Offense of readers is inevitable at some stage. Goss is to be taken at face value. Comments encouraged.
April 10, 2008
This was an email I sent a few of my friends?just for laughs. The answers were all provided by them, I just wrote the questions. Leaves me wondering what the hell the human brain is doing sometimes?
(Update, I only got three replies back, which was rather disappointing) Each paragraph is a different reply.
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-Ebay starts allowing anything to be bought and sold?what?s the first three things you put up for auction?
1. The bodies of dead baby seals beaten to death by clubs
2. The spam/junk mail that I have sitting in my email inbox
3. A table
Air, Water, and Nuclear Waste
1: mums shitty corolla. If sold, its a practical joke gone wrong... 2: a cup of coffee and donut... 3: The receipt to go with the coffee and donut (so if auctioned off 2 years after I submitted it to the auction i wont have any ones conscience on my mind. On the flip side unless they are stupid and eat & drink the stuff its their fault if they get dead from coffee!!!)
-And what would be the first three things you buy?
1. China
2. The Great Wall of China
3. China's Population to be my servents.
Nuclear Weaponry from russia, the colour blue, and slavery... lotsa slaves.
1: a kettle with infinite amount of already made coffee to my liking... obviously this will be one of those enchanted kettles which knows what i like and everything... haha sounds all anime of me... (yes for some reason Im addicted to coffee, iv had 3 cups tonight already... wtf duuuude!!! 2: a case of bundi & coke / tooheys that never runs out... just for those rainy days you know... 3: a "golden" credit card that pays you for using it!!!
-If you were in a small room with a locked door as the only exit, and you had the following: a toothpick, scissors with blunt blades, the handle of a hammer, the flint of a lighter, and a motorbike helmet?how would you escape?
I will pull a McGiver and use these useless pieces of junk to create a contraption that people know wouldnt work but are amazed none the less.
Probably by walking out the door after unlocking and opening it... of course should i need to unlock it, i would carefully sharpen the scissors with the flint, attach them to the handle of the hammer. Chew on the toothpick, and wear the helmet. Once i had a functionablely fashionable scissorknife, i'd proceed to cut through the door, around the lock, until the lock was no longer part of the door. Voila, unlocked door. And yes it is possible... it just takes patience and a sharp instrument... preferably a flute, but you use what you gotta use.
what kind of lock is it??? id try picking the lock with the scissors, and or the tooth picks, or both simultaneously... Ummm, then id try belting the door down with the bike helmet, then id try using the hammer handle to leaver in the slight gap between the door and the floor... remember I think like tucker and act like sarge this room cant possibly hold me... Okay i dont think a flint will do much without the lighter, dude thats just teasing me!!! you know full well i could burn my way out of there, thats just like dangling a banana above a monkey so to speak... don't get any ideas buddy!!! its just like "I found the shoe.... So Where's the foot". Wait a second I have a mobile and its always on me. Hahaha problem solv-ed... You loose gary!
-How many coke cans does it take to reach the ceiling?
I would test this however I do not have the adequate facility's to conduct this experiment. However I have used bundaburg rum cans in place of regular coke cans and it has taken me 21 with a 3 cm gap at the top. Speaking of 21 I turn 21 this year. I wonder if it is a sign.
That depends entirely on the height of the ceiling, and what stacking method you use. 2D pyramid, Square based Pyramid, Triangle based pyramid, single tower, four by four tower, etc etc etc.
Depends if they are crushed, tilted, on its side, and how high the ceiling is, and weather the ceiling is so high you cant see its height... In which case just give up... iv always got some music to download and mates to chat to...
-If this pile is complete, how annoyed will you be when your sibling lets the dogs into the room and knock it down, before you get to take pictures of it?
2 words. For Pony
Not overly annoyed, i've already got about 100 other pictures of coke can pyramids reaching the roof in my room.
That's why you araldite each one to eachother, that way you are the one with last laugh when the dog ends up running into an impenetrable wall of coke!
-Suppose a giant came wandering through your home town/city one evening, what would you do?
I wouldd offer it a large barrel of beer and a spit cooked sheep.
Laugh, because i don't live in a town/city 
Do what everyone would do; Look... followed by a scream... followed by running running which depends on if its just running around killing people off if its not... then i'll just sit back, crack open a can and watch the show...
-Would you float if attached to 99 red balloons (filled with helium of course)?
Yes, yes you would, until you were subsequently enveloped in a firestorm from the nuclear warfare.
Of course man, what you calling me humongous or something haha... im even more lighter than before haha...!!
-Or would you just inhale the helium and act like a chipmunk?
Many days of fun and games would follow. I wonder if you sucked helium out of a baloon with your arse and farted would it be a really high pitch fart. *Strokes chin and contemplates a new plot*
You could do that to...
Hehehe... yeah screw floating chipmunk acting is fun, wait do i have my mates around me to join in the fun??? otherwise screw it. Doing the voice on my own is so dumb... Id rather float around like a fool then sound like one alone...
-Now consider 99 blue balloons filled with radium?what would you do with them?
*Huge grin erupts on face.* What wouldnt you do.
Same deal, except inhale them and act like a person who just inhaled nuclear materials and is violently mutating/dying.
Radium sounds cool... Id do something with the balloons probably test if its explosive and flammable... if that chemical is, then coolies!
-You wake up in a tree one morning?what happened the night before?
All I can say is those monkeys are fucking fantastic drinkers.
Kidnapped by aliens, and you escaped, fell from their ship and landed in the tree, it broke your fall from space... good tree...
ask the closest person i probably wouldnt know, cause if I end up in a tree, it probably means I had a massive night!!!
-You?re out drinking at the pub with everyone, when you realize that there?s something wrong with your drink. It?s now a fully transparent substance that wont come out, but when you stick your finger in it, it doesn?t offer any resistance? What has your drink become?
A sick joke. I saw a guy who had that happen to him and you know what happened. HE DIED.
Obviously, I mean, who can get this question wrong? Honestly. Your drink has compressed itself so violently it has become a micro-singularity, which means, you soon will be torn to pieces, slowly, and sucked through it like a piece of string... very very very very very thin string... Do have fun...
What has your drink become? - You watch way too much star trek dude! or something like that... well its transparent and wont offer resistance, hmmm let me guess.... cause the drinks empty!!! haha.
-Your mobile phone is an unspecified prototype with increased options?slowly but surely it gains sentience, telling you that it knows who you are, who you were talking to for the last year, and exactly what about?and has the power (being a phone and all) to call anyone in the world. Given all this, what would you do with it?
I would have it prank people and make them believe that they are about to be arrested for tax evasion or other criminal offences.
Connect it to the internet, and transfer it there, it can take control of the net, and then the world. Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... Good times.
Firstly with great distain i'd Ring up Kevin Rudd and tell the retard to stop building that damn desalinization plant cause i want a loan with interest rates lower than; "fucking huge"!!! Okay after id pissed Rudd off, Id then ask the phone to select random and start pranking its phone book, which as you said is basically everyone... dunno.. so many options. Wait is it bill or prepaid haha id get it to hack into shane warnes mobile, get all his 'tarty girls on the side phone' numbers and start being a shit and startin trouble... finally probably ring all my mates from everyone and anywhere to come downand party hardy!
-Read following chant, once it sucks you through this email and into the internet, how are you going to escape?
By not reading the chant.
(to be read in the dark tones of a typical cult summoning)
?I?m as bored as bored can be,
So teleport my body and mind into my pc.
To the world where the junkmail and pop-ups thrive,
For I will prevail, I will survive.
So after the .com put an .au
Cause internet, I?m coming to get you.?
13) Once you?ve got back into the physical realm, how was the trip through the virtual realm?
Boring, mainly because i didn't go. Firewall stops occult summonings
I?ll leave you to ponder who wrote which answers...
April 04, 2008
Just a note to point out that i'm signing this off. No-one reads it anymore, so there's no point. I'll mark it down in the "failed experiments" column. If anyone wants me to keep going, and what sort of posts, just tell me.
-Gaz
March 26, 2008
Been to tamworth, only two days this time. Heads down, there was a lot of work to do this time around.
Found out that i didnt need to be apprehensive about the tests i did last block... i got 93/100 and 50/50 respectively, so tis all good. Did another practical test today (10/10) and the last theory one, the results of which i'll find out next time, but i'm certainly not worried at all. Yes, i'm still a spud :p
Incidentally...the trig is coming thick and fast, so i'm glad i did advanced maths. It's really hard for the guys that didnt, especially the ones that didnt even go onto year 12, poor buggers. Seems like a simple profession to master...but damn there's a lot of complicated theory to it.
Other than that, nothing to report. Although i got an email back from someone that i wasnt expecting a reply from, which is always a nice suprise.
Anyways, bed for me...i hate driving longer distances, fatigues you something shocking.
-Gaz
March 23, 2008
Well at the moment there's a pup running round our house. Parents found it running around on the highway when they were walking around tonight.
That's the pup in question.
Last night...went out (Shock horror) and I actually drank a fair bit (try not to have a heart attack about now). Pretty good night, but ended up with one hell of a bad feeling towards midnight (for various reasons) so I went home a bit earlier than the majority. All in all though, good night. I'd do it again.
-Gaz
March 22, 2008
What stops a torn-up ship from sinking?
A grim determination not to let the sea have the satisfaction.
-Gaz
March 19, 2008
Warning this is a Rant. It will offend Everyone. Most especially it will offend people who think that forwarding a piece of crap chain letter will help someone. Hate Mail can be directed to the address at the bottom of this post or a comment may be left in the comments section of this post.
There is something that has been bugging me for a while and was pushed to the front of my mind when I received a forward from a person who shall remain nameless. I'm sure you've all gotten it, but I figure I may as well copy the contents of the email below for those few who have managed not to have to damage there minds on forwards. This does not include the hundred or so email addresses that were written above it that I will be signing up to spam.
FW: 7yr old with Cancer (this child is local)
This little girl lives in the Hunter Valley - please forward on.
Thank you
Hi, my name is Amy Bruce. I am 7 years old, and I have a large tumor
on my brain and severe lung cancer.. The doctors say I will die soon if
this isn't fixed, and my family can't pay the bills. 'The Make A Wish
Foundation' has agreed to donate 7 cents for every time this message
is sent on. For those of you who send this along, I thank you so much.
But for those who don't send it, I will still pray for you. Please, if
you are a kind person, have a heart. Please, please, PLEASE HIT THE
FORWARD BUTTON.
Amy Bruce
Wake Forest Outpatient Dialysis
ForwardSourceID: NT00010D52
That is what it says. First point of interest, this has been circulating for years. I've seen it from as far back as 2000, so if she was real, she's long dead by now. In the originals she had lung cancer from inhaling second hand smoke, and a large tumor on her brain from repeated beatings (Such fun parents). The current message we all are seeing doesn't even include the photo of a random dark-skinned child with pigtails like the older emails.
Furthermore, what kind of Idiot do you have to be to think that the Make-A-Wish Foundation would only donate 7 cents, even if they could Track the Email. Can i make this any clearer to you people out there? NORMAL PEOPLE CANNOT TRACK EMAILS THROUGH THE INTERNET! The only possible way someone could track the email was if someone very technically adept embedded a hidden script in the email. Unfortunately that script would not function very long through the subsequent forwarding, and format changes of the email. As well as the fact that Hotmail would detect and disable such tracking script for security reasons. It says it is being tracked just to get you to forward the email, ?Just in case? and to poke fun at Naïve new email users.
This means, for you dull ones out there, it would be impossible to collect accurate or even meaningful data about an email that could undoubtedly be forwarded thousands of times. This also means that it would be impossible to calculate the amount of money to be donated.
Tracking an Email in the way described above would be considered by most to be a significant privacy infringement, and there is next to no chance that any ethical charity organization would knowingly participate in such a practice. Furthermore, it is absurd to suggest that any responsible organization would base the amount of money to be donated to a sick and dieing very painfully child on the amount of times a email was forwarded. There is simply no reason whatsoever for imposing a cruel and callous restriction. If an organization is willing and able to offer financial help, they will do so directly and the amount donated will not depends on the random forwarding of an email.
ANY MESSAGE THAT CLAIMS THE EMAIL IS BEING TRACKED AND THAT MONEY WILL BE DONATED FOR EVERY FORWARD IS A GOING TO BE A HOAX!!!
Below is a direct quote from the Make-A-Wish foundation websites comment on Chain Letters.
Chain Letters
Each day, the Make-A-Wish Foundation and its chapters receive hundreds of inquiries about chain letters claiming to be associated with the Foundation and featuring sick children. However, we do not participate in these kinds of wishes. Some names associated with these wishes are: Jessie Anderson, Shane Bernier, Matt Dawson, Chad Briody, Amy Bruce, Jeff DeLeon, Rhyan Desquetado, Anthony Hebrank, LaNisha Jackson, Nikisha Johnson, Craig Sheldon, Craig Shelford, Craig Shelton, Craig Sheppard, Craig Shergold, Bryan Warner and Kayla Wightman.
You may recognize the 5th name in that quote? as well as several others.
And here is the link if you don't believe me - http://www.wish.org/about/chain_letters
Oh and just a extra little bit to tag on the end here, "Wake Forest Outpatient Dialysis" So what is wrong with her kidneys that she's not complaining about when she's bitching like a little kid about her cancer?
And just for the last little teensy bit of extra confirmation, click the following link for a news story about this email ?
http://times-journal.com/story.lasso?WCD=4560
So why do people continue to forward these emails in blatant disregard to common sense, it?s because they forward these emails and think, ?I?m doing something for charity, I?m a good person.? And they think that money will be going to help this little girl with inoperable cancerous tissue throughout 90% of her body, and it isn?t costing them a thing, which they are even happier about, They did something for Charity, and it didn?t cost them anything. But really nothing happened, the email was forwarded on, the chain letter continues on, people continue on oblivious to the truth, no money is funnelled into a dead imaginary girls coffin. Why not, If you want to help this girl, or this charity, instead of forwarding the email, go donate seven cents. Or better yet, donate some real money. Charities like this need money to keep running, and to keep helping people. They don?t need hoax emails being passed around and their name being dragged through the mud because they are cruel and callow because they'll only give 7 cents for every forwarded email. And valuable man hours are being put into answering queries about this and other chain letter hoaxes instead of into helping people and supporting there cause. So why donate some money, and don't forward on these hoaxes. Tell whoever you received it from that it is a hoax, and spread the word.
And since I am on the subject, lets move on to the other chain letters. Such as forward this XYZ amount of people and your wish will come true. With the ?true? stories of people having sent it on, and then they won the lotto, sold there house, or got hit by a bus. How do you expect this wish to come true? Do you people think there are little leprechauns inside the internet who read all these emails, backtrack them to the people who forwarded it to a dozen people, and violently rip the wish out of your head, which they can do because they don?t have to worry about damaging any of the non existant brains in there and then magically materialise your wish and give it to you, while you are none the wiser.
How about? NO!!! It?s a fucking hoax. Whoops see, now I swore. Look, fuck you people. What the fuck, do you think there is some magical energy surrounding emails? Do you think god is up there caring what the fuck you people do with your lives? How can you people live in such ignorance? My God? I mean, you people are alive? but how? why hasn?t natural selection done it?s part on you?
Life skills include not sending on some fucking email just because the email says so. Just because you sent an email message to 20 of your friends doesn?t mean a hot girl will be banging on the door in three hours with bondage gear in tow. Emails can?t make wishes come true. You 18, 19 and 20 year olds should know that. Anyone older shouldn?t have to even be reading this. And you 17 and below people reading this, with a few exceptions, need to learn this to? I have never credited people with an overabundance of brains, and certainly people who forward this crap I credit with less to none.
Goddammit, I haven?t even finished bitching about this one and I get another fucking email forward from the same person again. This one is also a hoax. George Arlington?s little 10 month to 10 year old daughter (depends on the email) her name is Rachel, she has, surprisingly enough, brain cancer. Wow, original huh?
Apart from the fact it started circulating in 2000, and if she did have brain cancer she?s dead by now.
This one originally said the American Cancer Society would donate 3 cents per forwarded email. But the ACS did a press release stating the following, ?The ACS has no connection to the letter and regrets people are fooled into thinking they are helping the organization by perpetuating this e-mail message.? The Email was quickly changed to AOL and ZDnet who was tracking the email and would donate 32 cents if the email was forwarded to at least 3 people now.
The email is as follows:
FW: To my child (don't delete-its being tracked) VERY IMPORTANT?
Hi. I am a 29 year old father. Me and my wife have had a wonderful life together. God blessed us with a child too. Our daughter's name is Rachel, and she is 10 years old. Not long ago did the doctors detect brain cancer in her little body. There is only one way to save her and that is an operation. Sadly we don't have the money for the operation. AOL and Zdnet have agreed to help us. The only way they can help is this:
If you send this email to other people, AOL will track this email and count how many people get it. Every person that opens this email and sends it to at least 3 people will give us 32c. Please help us. George Arlington
And if a company decided to help, they wouldn?t do it based on the erratic forwarding of such emails, instead they would give a amount of money to the dieing kid, or they would cover the medical expense of the operation for the kid. No company would give money based on the random forwarding of a email.
?God blessed us with a child.? Pfft, it is total bullshit, no-one would write something like that if there daughter was dying. If they were religious people they wouldn?t be perpetuating this over the internet, they?d be seeking donations in their church or something. But since they apparently seem to be emailing people in a vain effort to raise the money for their, *sob* imaginary 10 month old to 10 year old daughter they wouldn?t be saying god blessed them with a daughter. God blessed their daughter with Brain cancer, maybe they should look into that? Fuckers?
And if they were doing this, there wouldn?t be the unauthorised use of a poem written by Sally Meyer preceding the Plea for help. Nor would it be in such fanciful colours and in writing about six times the size of the plea for help. The poem is titled ?Just for this Day? and can be found in it?s original context, along with Sally?s other works on this site - http://trainland.tripod.com/poems1.htm
So How about not actually forwarding this letter, instead why don?t you donate money to your local cancer people, or a local charity? Instead of thinking you are doing some good by forwarding an email to people who will forward to more people until eventually someone with half a brain notices its bullshit and tells you so.
People are gullible, idiots are even more so. Do you idiots forward these messages because you see the person before you forwarded it so much, it must be true, and they did the same? Against common sense? Are you all sheep and only forwarding because the person before you did that?? Or do you?re really do it because you think you are helping out a person with cancer, or a charity?
Forwarding this kind of crap does nothing but to clutter inbox?s, waste bandwidth and give out a massive amount of email addresses to people who will actually sell or give these addresses to spammers.
The Hate mail can be directed to - prometheus-1988@hotmail.com
- Prometheus
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Agreed, to all things stated above.
-Gaz
March 17, 2008
"I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me... "
But I know it'll never happen.
-Gaz
March 16, 2008
Well yesterday was stupid... 11 hours at work. My hands look like I was trying to break a razor wire fence barehanded or something. Anyways, enough whinging...because I spent the night with a couple of friends playing games on the projector...doesnt get much better. This morning, we went on a bit of a trip...
"Green Valley Farm...we could spend the whole day there"...hehe, the tune is so annoying, but it's true enough. I mean, we did actually spend about 6 hours there. By we, I mean Cones, Kate and myself.
Things that made the day amusing:
- Our terrible inability to play putt-putt... then again, it'd help if the greens were something near flat.
- Kate's tendency to hurt herself on basically anything that moved, and some things that didnt, such as pool edges.
- Monkeys. I think this one needs a bit of an elaboration. There's six monkeys at green valley, crab-eating little things...cant remember the full name. They are amusing, especially the little one, which is able to leave the cage at will, due to it's tiny size. They like maple leaves, a lot... And also they like Kate. She ventured close enough to be within arms reach, and nearly had a couple of her fingers pulled off as a result.
- Me smashing myself on the waterslide. Was going that fast that the 'rapids' flipped me over, didnt end well... but I bet it looked funny to everyone else that was watching.
But yeh, there's a lot more to it, but I wont bother with the extra details. Suffice to say, more people should've come with us...
I bet Cones will have a lot to comment about this time.
-Gaz
March 14, 2008
This is going to sound very sexist and inappropriate...but intriguing at the same time.
After listening to Kate and Walker ramble on about hypothetical jelly wrestling...and the suggestion that it should be made into a tournament, then finally the comment that we can use a certain facility...I developed a plan today while I was 'working'.
It goes like this. Have one night at the Royal, preferably a Friday or Saturday night...of Jelly Wrestling. Female contestants only (for the main part...a few novelty guys there later on), basically a winner-stays-in tournament with any girl old enough to enter the pub (and willing to get whatever they're wearing (normal clothes allowed, not recommended) rather messed up) eligible to enter at any stage. When there are no more contestants, or it's a certain time, a winner is announced.
Entry is $15, contestants get a free drink or two (and a towel). Given the lack of unorthadox entertainment, and the (limited) survey I did today, it seems like it'd be an instant hit.
So yeh...here's the questions... guys, would you be willing $15 for entrance? And girls, would you go in it? (I wont be suprised if you wouldnt). Leave a comment or let me know opinions please.
Laugh at and/or and abuse me all you want... because if I get this to work, well, I'll have done something creative.
-Gaz
March 13, 2008
WARNING: This post is a rant and will offend someone. Deal with it.
You know what I think people need to re-learn? A sense of decency regarding those who have died. I dont mean not making the occasional joke years later, but I mean the continual disgrace of mulling over every tiny facet to make a story more interesting...
Example one...Private Jacob Kovco. As "the first Australian soldier to die while deployed to the Middle Eastern Area of Operations" it was inevitable that it would get some attention in the press. But because he was shot in the head, supposedly by himself messing around, the rumour and controversy mills began running, and they're still humming along...hell, there's even a wikipedia page about this.
There was a news article on Ninemsn Today titled "Kovco 'tearfully revealed molestation'"....you know what I say in response to that? LEAVE THE POOR GUY ALONE AND LET HIM REST IN PEACE WITH SOME DECENCY LEFT! Seriously, what the fuck...does the public really need to know intimate details of an otehrwise normal citizen? NO, they dont, so they shouldnt.
Example two...Princess Diana. She's died in 1997, and there's still a regular stream of articles about her, and her death...even though she's been dead for OVER A DECADE...need I say more?
Seriously, find some real news to read.
-Gaz
