Quiz results
This was an email I sent a few of my friends?just for laughs. The answers were all provided by them, I just wrote the questions. Leaves me wondering what the hell the human brain is doing sometimes?
(Update, I only got three replies back, which was rather disappointing) Each paragraph is a different reply.
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-Ebay starts allowing anything to be bought and sold?what?s the first three things you put up for auction?
1. The bodies of dead baby seals beaten to death by clubs
2. The spam/junk mail that I have sitting in my email inbox
3. A table
Air, Water, and Nuclear Waste
1: mums shitty corolla. If sold, its a practical joke gone wrong... 2: a cup of coffee and donut... 3: The receipt to go with the coffee and donut (so if auctioned off 2 years after I submitted it to the auction i wont have any ones conscience on my mind. On the flip side unless they are stupid and eat & drink the stuff its their fault if they get dead from coffee!!!)
-And what would be the first three things you buy?
1. China
2. The Great Wall of China
3. China's Population to be my servents.
Nuclear Weaponry from russia, the colour blue, and slavery... lotsa slaves.
1: a kettle with infinite amount of already made coffee to my liking... obviously this will be one of those enchanted kettles which knows what i like and everything... haha sounds all anime of me... (yes for some reason Im addicted to coffee, iv had 3 cups tonight already... wtf duuuude!!! 2: a case of bundi & coke / tooheys that never runs out... just for those rainy days you know... 3: a "golden" credit card that pays you for using it!!!
-If you were in a small room with a locked door as the only exit, and you had the following: a toothpick, scissors with blunt blades, the handle of a hammer, the flint of a lighter, and a motorbike helmet?how would you escape?
I will pull a McGiver and use these useless pieces of junk to create a contraption that people know wouldnt work but are amazed none the less.
Probably by walking out the door after unlocking and opening it... of course should i need to unlock it, i would carefully sharpen the scissors with the flint, attach them to the handle of the hammer. Chew on the toothpick, and wear the helmet. Once i had a functionablely fashionable scissorknife, i'd proceed to cut through the door, around the lock, until the lock was no longer part of the door. Voila, unlocked door. And yes it is possible... it just takes patience and a sharp instrument... preferably a flute, but you use what you gotta use.
what kind of lock is it??? id try picking the lock with the scissors, and or the tooth picks, or both simultaneously... Ummm, then id try belting the door down with the bike helmet, then id try using the hammer handle to leaver in the slight gap between the door and the floor... remember I think like tucker and act like sarge this room cant possibly hold me... Okay i dont think a flint will do much without the lighter, dude thats just teasing me!!! you know full well i could burn my way out of there, thats just like dangling a banana above a monkey so to speak... don't get any ideas buddy!!! its just like "I found the shoe.... So Where's the foot". Wait a second I have a mobile and its always on me. Hahaha problem solv-ed... You loose gary!
-How many coke cans does it take to reach the ceiling?
I would test this however I do not have the adequate facility's to conduct this experiment. However I have used bundaburg rum cans in place of regular coke cans and it has taken me 21 with a 3 cm gap at the top. Speaking of 21 I turn 21 this year. I wonder if it is a sign.
That depends entirely on the height of the ceiling, and what stacking method you use. 2D pyramid, Square based Pyramid, Triangle based pyramid, single tower, four by four tower, etc etc etc.
Depends if they are crushed, tilted, on its side, and how high the ceiling is, and weather the ceiling is so high you cant see its height... In which case just give up... iv always got some music to download and mates to chat to...
-If this pile is complete, how annoyed will you be when your sibling lets the dogs into the room and knock it down, before you get to take pictures of it?
2 words. For Pony
Not overly annoyed, i've already got about 100 other pictures of coke can pyramids reaching the roof in my room.
That's why you araldite each one to eachother, that way you are the one with last laugh when the dog ends up running into an impenetrable wall of coke!
-Suppose a giant came wandering through your home town/city one evening, what would you do?
I wouldd offer it a large barrel of beer and a spit cooked sheep.
Laugh, because i don't live in a town/city 
Do what everyone would do; Look... followed by a scream... followed by running running which depends on if its just running around killing people off if its not... then i'll just sit back, crack open a can and watch the show...
-Would you float if attached to 99 red balloons (filled with helium of course)?
Yes, yes you would, until you were subsequently enveloped in a firestorm from the nuclear warfare.
Of course man, what you calling me humongous or something haha... im even more lighter than before haha...!!
-Or would you just inhale the helium and act like a chipmunk?
Many days of fun and games would follow. I wonder if you sucked helium out of a baloon with your arse and farted would it be a really high pitch fart. *Strokes chin and contemplates a new plot*
You could do that to...
Hehehe... yeah screw floating chipmunk acting is fun, wait do i have my mates around me to join in the fun??? otherwise screw it. Doing the voice on my own is so dumb... Id rather float around like a fool then sound like one alone...
-Now consider 99 blue balloons filled with radium?what would you do with them?
*Huge grin erupts on face.* What wouldnt you do.
Same deal, except inhale them and act like a person who just inhaled nuclear materials and is violently mutating/dying.
Radium sounds cool... Id do something with the balloons probably test if its explosive and flammable... if that chemical is, then coolies!
-You wake up in a tree one morning?what happened the night before?
All I can say is those monkeys are fucking fantastic drinkers.
Kidnapped by aliens, and you escaped, fell from their ship and landed in the tree, it broke your fall from space... good tree...
ask the closest person i probably wouldnt know, cause if I end up in a tree, it probably means I had a massive night!!!
-You?re out drinking at the pub with everyone, when you realize that there?s something wrong with your drink. It?s now a fully transparent substance that wont come out, but when you stick your finger in it, it doesn?t offer any resistance? What has your drink become?
A sick joke. I saw a guy who had that happen to him and you know what happened. HE DIED.
Obviously, I mean, who can get this question wrong? Honestly. Your drink has compressed itself so violently it has become a micro-singularity, which means, you soon will be torn to pieces, slowly, and sucked through it like a piece of string... very very very very very thin string... Do have fun...
What has your drink become? - You watch way too much star trek dude! or something like that... well its transparent and wont offer resistance, hmmm let me guess.... cause the drinks empty!!! haha.
-Your mobile phone is an unspecified prototype with increased options?slowly but surely it gains sentience, telling you that it knows who you are, who you were talking to for the last year, and exactly what about?and has the power (being a phone and all) to call anyone in the world. Given all this, what would you do with it?
I would have it prank people and make them believe that they are about to be arrested for tax evasion or other criminal offences.
Connect it to the internet, and transfer it there, it can take control of the net, and then the world. Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... Good times.
Firstly with great distain i'd Ring up Kevin Rudd and tell the retard to stop building that damn desalinization plant cause i want a loan with interest rates lower than; "fucking huge"!!! Okay after id pissed Rudd off, Id then ask the phone to select random and start pranking its phone book, which as you said is basically everyone... dunno.. so many options. Wait is it bill or prepaid haha id get it to hack into shane warnes mobile, get all his 'tarty girls on the side phone' numbers and start being a shit and startin trouble... finally probably ring all my mates from everyone and anywhere to come downand party hardy!
-Read following chant, once it sucks you through this email and into the internet, how are you going to escape?
By not reading the chant.
(to be read in the dark tones of a typical cult summoning)
?I?m as bored as bored can be,
So teleport my body and mind into my pc.
To the world where the junkmail and pop-ups thrive,
For I will prevail, I will survive.
So after the .com put an .au
Cause internet, I?m coming to get you.?
13) Once you?ve got back into the physical realm, how was the trip through the virtual realm?
Boring, mainly because i didn't go. Firewall stops occult summonings
I?ll leave you to ponder who wrote which answers...
